How Pumpkin Pie is made

HT CurryStew

Why school ruined the way we read the Bible

I've led Bible Studies of varying types for the last thirteen years, and during that time I've noticed a trend. Recently, I came to this conclusion:

School has a pretty negative impact on our scripture reading.

As a youth pastor, my primary audience loves the fact that school is negative in any capacity...but I'm not trashing school. What I am saying is that the way you read for high school, college, or work influences the way your read scripture.

Imagine that you have a reading assignment for work or school. What are the steps you go through:
1. Determine how much I need to read.
2. Read as fast as possible while still getting the critical information.
3. Get the answers to the questions being asked.
4. Put it away.

Now, imagine instead that a few of us start studying Philippians. We set up a time to get together and discuss what we're reading, and we commit to working through the book on our own before we get together. What steps will you go through?
1. Determine how much you should read. (We carry a belief that more chapters=more spiritual)
2. Read as fast as possible while still getting critical information. (who wrote it, what is the main idea...)
3. Get the answers to the questions being asked. (What will our Bible Study leader ask, how can I share something interesting...)
4. Put it away.

When we use the Bible as a textbook instead of as a love letter, we remove the Holy Spirit from our reading. When we treat it like a textbook, we remove the, "inspired" part that makes the scripture so powerful. We don't just read the Bible - the Bible reads us as the Holy Spirit guides.

That's my two-cents. If you're interested in shifting your Bible reading method, here are a couple of things you might try:

Think quality, not quantity:
Every reading assignment for school or work will involve a set goal (read chapter 3 for the quiz on Wednesday). Even our personal reading is influenced this way (I hope to finish that book on my next flight...or on vacation). My suggestion is that we read the Bible differently. Chapter divisions (added to scripture much later than we think) are helpful in some ways...but they have caused us to feel guilty if we don't finish. God told Joshua to, "meditate" on the scripture. David talks about, "hiding God's word in his heart." Slow down and just read. Read short bits...read the same part for a week...focus on listening rather than completing an assignment.

Invite the Holy Spirit:
As you read Scripture, continually invite God's spirit to inform your reading. Again, the whole point of reading scripture is to help us enter more fully into the story of God.

Blockbuster late fees

From: David Thorne
Date: Sunday 8 November 2009 2.16pm
To: Megan Roberts
Subject: DVDs

Dear Megan,
Thank you for your letter regarding overdue fees. As all four movies were outstanding examples of modern cinematic masterpieces, your assumption that I would wish to retain them in my possession is understandable, but incorrect. Please check your records as these movies were returned, on time, over three weeks ago. I remember specifically driving there and having my offspring run them in due to the fact that I was wearing shorts and did not want the girl behind the counter to see my white hairy legs.

Regards, David.

From: Megan Roberts
Date: Monday 9 November 2009 11.09am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: DVDs

Hi David
Our computer system indicates otherwise. Please recheck and get back to me.
Kind regards,
Megan

From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 9 November 2009 11.36am
To: Megan Roberts
Subject: Re: Re: DVDs

Dear Megan,
Yes, they are definitely white and hairy. Viewed from the knees down, the similarity to two large albino caterpillars in parallel formation is frightening. People who knew what the word meant might describe them as 'piliferous', although there is something quite sexy about that word so perhaps they wouldn't.

Regards, David.

From: Megan Roberts
Date: Monday 9 November 2009 1.44pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: DVDs

Hi David
No I mean our records indicate that the DVDs have not been returned. Please check and return as soon as possible.

Kind regards,
Megan

From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 9 November 2009 4.19pm
To: Megan Roberts
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: DVDs

Dear Megan,
With the possible exception of Harold and Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay, the movies were not worth watching let alone stealing. In Logan's Run, for example, the computer crashed at the end when presented with conflicting facts and blew up destroying the entire city. When my computer crashes I carry on a little bit and have a cigarette while it is rebooting. I don't have to search through rubble for my loved ones. The same programmers probably designed the Blockbuster 'returned or not' database. Also, while one would assume the title Journey to the Centre of the Earth to be a metaphor, the movie was actually set in the centre of the earth which, being a solid core of iron with temperatures exceeding 4300˚ Celcius and pressures of 3900 tons per square centimetre, does not seem very likely. Waterworld was actually pretty good though. My favourite bit was when they were on the water but the scene when Kevin Costner negotiated for peace, ending the war between fish and mankind moments before the whale army attacked was also very good.

Regards, David.

From: Megan Roberts
Date: Tuesday 10 November 2009 3.57pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: DVDs

David
The DVDs are listed as not returned. If you cant locate the DVDs, you will be charged for the replacement cost.

Megan

From: David Thorne
Date: Tuesday 10 November 2009 5.12pm
To: Megan Roberts
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: DVDs

Dear Megan,
I have checked pricing at the DVD Warehouse and the cost of replacing your lost movies with new ones is as follows:
Harold and Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay $7.95
Waterworld $4.95
Journey to the Centre of the Earth $9.95
Logan's Run $12.95

I have no idea why Logan's Run is the most expensive of the four movies as it was definitely the worst. Have you seen it? I wouldn't pay $12.95 for that. I would use the money to buy a good movie instead. Probably something with Steven Seagal in it. The entire premise comprised of living a utopian and carefree lifestyle with only three drawbacks - wearing seventies jumpsuits, living in what looks like a giant shopping centre and not being allowed to live past thirty. This would seem logical though as I would not want a bunch of old people hanging around complaining about their arthritis while I am trying to relax at the shopping centre in my jumpsuit trying not to think about the computer crashing.
I was recently forced to do volunteer work at an aged care hospital. Footage of these people during Tuesday night line dancing could be used as an advertisement for the Logan's Run solution. The only good aspect of working there was that I halved their medication, pocketing and selling the remainder, explaining the computer listed that as their dose and they were welcome to check knowing their abject fear of anything produced after the eighteenth century would prevent them from doing so. I also swapped my Sanyo fourteen inch portable television for their Panasonic wide screen plasma while they were sleeping, explaining that it had always been that way and their senility was simply playing up due to the reduced dosage of drugs.
Regards, David.

From: Megan Roberts
Date: Wednesday 11 November 2009 1.21pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: DVDs

Hi David
I have not seen those movies so I dont know what you are talking about. I prefer romantic comedies. If you have the movies we can't rent them so we lose money and the fees are based on what we we would have made from renting them and we also have to purchase movies through our suppliers not from DVD Warehouse.
Megan

From: David Thorne
Date: Wednesday 11 November 2009 3.28pm
To: Megan Roberts
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: DVDs

Dear Megan,
I myself am also a huge fan of romantic comedies. Perhaps we could watch one together. I have a new Panasonic wide screen plasma. My favourite romantic comedy is Fatal Instinct although it did not contain enough robots or explosions in my opinion and I was therefore unable to truly identify with the main characters on a personal and emotional level. Recently, I was tricked into watching The Notebook which was about geese. Lots of geese. It also had something to do with an old lady who conveniently lost her memory so she could not remember being a whore throughout the entire film. I don't recall a lot of it as I was too busy being cross about watching it. In a utopian future society she would have been hunted down and killed at thirty.
In regards to the late fees, I understand the amount is based on what you lose by not being able to rent the movies out. You probably had people lined up around the block waiting to rent Logan's Run. For eighty two dollars though, I could have purchased six copies of it from DVD Warehouse or, as I have heard he is a bit strapped for cash, had Kevin Costner visit my house in person and re-enact key scenes from Waterworld in my bathroom.
Regards, David.

From: Megan Roberts
Date: Thursday 12 November 2009 3.16pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: DVDs

Hi David.
Restocking fees are:
002190382 Journey to the Centre of the Earth $9.30
003103119 Logans Run $7.90
008629103 Harold and Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay $6.30
000721082 Waterworld $5.70

Total: $29.20 - I have deleted your late fees and noted on the computer that the amount owed is for the replacement movies not fees.
Kind regards,
Megan

From: David Thorne
Date: Thursday 12 November 2009 7.42pm
To: Megan Roberts
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: DVDs

Dear Megan,
Those prices seem reasonable. I do not want Logan's Run but will pick up the other three when I come in next.
Regards, David.

From: Megan Roberts
Date: Friday 13 November 2009 12.51pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: DVDs

What? The $29.20 is the cost of the replacement DVDs for the store.
Megan

From: David Thorne
Date: Friday 13 November 2009 1.15pm
To: Megan Roberts
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: DVDs

Dear Megan,
That makes more sense, I was wondering what I was going to do with two copies of each movie.
Regards, David.

From: Megan Roberts
Date: Friday 13 November 2009 2.33pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: DVDs

What do you mean by two copies? Are you saying you found the four movies?
Megan

From: David Thorne
Date: Friday 13 November 2009 2.57pm
To: Megan Roberts
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: DVDs

Dear Megan,
Yes, they were on top of my fridge the whole time. Unfortunately I have a blind spot that prevents me from seeing this area of the kitchen as it is also where I keep my pile of unpaid bills. Luckily, due to my air conditioner being broken and the outside temperature exceeding that of the centre of the earth

Last night I slept on the kitchen floor with the fridge door open due to my air conditioner being broken and the temperature outside exceeding that of the centre of the earth. As my fridge emits a high pitched 'beep' every thirty seconds when left open, the vibrations from this caused the DVDs to wriggle forward over the space of many hours before toppling from the edge and I awoke to find them beside me on the pillow. As you have already waived the late fees, I will drop them off tonight and we will call it even.
Regards, David.

From: Megan Roberts
Date: Friday 13 November 2009 3.43pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: DVDs

Ok.

Greatest wedding invitation ever...

Video Game Mashups

Hookers and Robbers

Chad (SJ worship leader) did this song in the middle of the message Sunday night...it was the first week of our series, "How to save a life."

Bat Fight

BAT FIGHT with Will Ferrell from Will Ferrell

Crowder Band - He loves us

This is not Crowder's song originally...but it's a good song either way. Chad, Vicki, and Heebs have been leading this song at SJ for the last few weeks.